Tantric Sex: Deep Love Making Beyond Conventional Sex | Diana Richardson #077

The goal of both participants being always to climax.

The lack of proper awareness, education and dialogue surrounding love-making / sexual intercourse.

Overstimulation, oversensation & a lack of understanding of how to unwind the sexual imprint that we carry with us.

“Tantra denies nothing but transforms everything.”

“Tantra is the transformation of sex into love through awareness.”

– Osho

Tantric Sex primarily consists of bringing awareness to the sexual exchange. Being more present in the moment and in tune with what one is experiencing and receptive towards the experience of the other. 

Cold sex is often linked to the relaxation of the body as a product of an increasing sense of awareness during sex, which in turn reduces body temperature and simultaneously allows for the welcoming of even more pleasure.

Cold sex, in comparison to hot sex, allows for a longer duration of the sexual exchange which usually makes room for the woman to be able to actually reach climax.

• Hot sex, which is usually characterized by a high degree of rapid and overstimulating friction, tends to lead to male ejaculation but often leaves the woman dissatisfied.

Hot sex usually works for a couple during its beginning stages, the so called “Honeymoon Stage”. But after a while of practicing this type of sex, the female body begins to be closed out because it is not being met on a deeper level.

Climax = discharge, particularly in terms of hormones. And with every peak/climax, a slump follows.

The emotional disconnect that occurs after the climax happens.

Short term fulfillment (regular sex) vs. Long term fulfillment (tantric sex).

When the sexual exchange is approached, not necessarily seeking to achieve a climax, but to instead fully enjoy & be present during the experience itself, the energy that remains between the participants after sex is very different.

The shift needs to be gradual because you’re turning over something deeply imprinted within your psyche.

It is sometimes hard to stop having sex in the way we are accustomed to. Awareness plays a key role in this. It is important to be able to discern what is happening when it is happening and take appropriate action.

How to approach tantric sex with a partner that is not really interested or keen to explore a different way to engage in sex.

Shifting the perspective so as to not give as much importance to whether or not your partner climaxes or if you’re able to keep a full erection during the whole time.

There are ways in which you can keep engaging in intercourse with a relaxed penis if an erection is not happening.

For men, relaxing the body when about to climax helps a lot to last longer: anus, buttocks, shoulders, and jaw especially.

It is most important to understand that tantric sex is not a technique per se. It’s keystone is Awareness, which is not a technique, but something that is available to anyone who engages in some type of sexual activity.

• Being present and connecting with the Self and the Other.

Open your eyes.

• Instead of looking out, drawing the energy outwardly, just relax your eyes and let things come to you.

• It’s not about staring out and being critical or overanalyzing what you see (thus drawing energy in an outward direction), but allowing for that which your eyes perceive to ground you in the present moment and for your awareness to expand.

• Ancient Tantric sutra: “When the energy of the eyes is inverted, it falls back on the heart and opens it”.

The “Inner Home”

• Use a part of your body as an anchor to which you can direct your awareness when your mind is scattered.

Take longer and slower breaths. Try to always breathe through the nose.

• Nose breathing increases oxygenation in the body, which energizes you.

• Nose breathing is linked to long-lasting erections in men.

• To learn more about the impact that nose breathing can have in your physiology listen to Just Breath: Science of Breathing for Optimal Health | The Breathing Diabetic (Nick Heath) #072.

Scan your body, observe tension and soften it.

• Allow your body to relax and you will experience greater enjoyment that way.

• It is not about being completely relaxed all the time, but observing your body and allowing for the tension to dissipate, and if it becomes tense again after a while then that’s fine.

• Men: anus, buttox, shoulders and jaw especially.

• Women: vagina especially.

Communication is very important.

• You don’t need to be guessing what it is that the other person wants, doesn’t want or is feeling. Ask and let the other person know how you feel and what you want.

  • Don’t do this as a conversation, cause that just takes you too far out of the experience. But more like a report: “I feel this” or “I want this”.

• Being able to state what it is that you feel and want helps your brain acknowledge the experience that you are having. That is also part of what awareness entails.

• Talk about your love making with your partner after the sexual exchange.

  • What you noticed, how it felt, etc.

Lip Kissing vs. Mouth Kissing

• Kissing is good to keep you grounded in the moment, but lip kissing during sex is better than tongue kissing.

  • Tongue kissing reaches the parasympathetic nervous system which raises the fight-or-flight response.

  • Tongue kissing is also more tiering so after a while it can actually take away from the sexual exchange.

  • Lip kissing is something that can be done for a longer amount of time and it is still pleasurable & grounding.

Prioritize this work. Bring awareness to it.

• Make it one of your priorities. Schedule it in and make the time to be there and show up for yourself and the other person(s).

Playing with the balance of the feminine & masculine (shiva & shakti) energies that every person holds within them.

Several of the other concepts and ideas explored during the episode and in Diana’s books apply to same-sex sexual exchanges.

Diana’s Website HERE

Diana’s Books HERE

Diana’s TED Talk – The Power of Mindful Sex – HERE

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